The inner laugh which slowly kills.

the inner laugh

The yellow light from the half alive bulb lights her tired face. She removes her make-up and washes her face in an old-fashioned sink which she’s always wanted to have in her bathroom. She stares at her own reflection in a dirty mirror. Her eyes are red and itchy; lips are too thin and cracked in some places; skin tone is light and it never allows her to have a perfect tan because of all the freckles that appear; hair are dried and brittle. She stands like that for a while counting out what she hates in herself.

Tears start to stream down her chicks.

How happy she used to be and look at her now. Misery. Nothing is as it should be, as she’s planned at first. Everything is different.

She sits on a bath edge feeling week.

But no! Not this time! This time the tears need to be wiped out. Fast glance in the mirror before leaving. Suddenly all her body parts are paralyzed.

He is here.

Dark blue eyes looking straight through her soul. He is gently starting to smile showing his grey spiky teeth. She sees he knows. Her face is deadly white as his. “Close your eyes!” her mind is screaming. “Take a deep breath and count to ten!”

It is too late.

Silence and laugh. Laugh full of fat critique mixed with spicy disappointment.

Tears are hitting the floor. Laugh is echoing in the bathroom. Time is passing by really slow.

She can’t tell when He grew up enormous. Cannot tell who brought Him up, who fed Him. Critique and unpleasant comments have never hurt her. Until one day. Or maybe one person. The Loved One.

Words cut deeper than knives they say.

A few minutes later…

Bath starts to fill with water. Among the hatred her clothes fell on the floor. He starts to laugh lauder. Body shivers when her foot touches the water. She lays down and closes eyes. She wants the laugh to stop and the tears to stop falling. There’s only one way to do it.

She is smiling while dreaming of beauty.

Silence.

Only water splashes when escaping the bath.


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